Break Up To Make Up
Does breaking up with your significant other have any advantage? That depends: if you are in an abusive relationship, there is no doubt about it, breaking up and breaking away from that person is the best thing you can do!
But what if you still love the person but are extremely unhappy? What do you do?
Recently a friend of mine left her boyfriend of 5 years because the relationship no longer brought her the joy they once had. It was a heart-wrenching decision but she did it anyway.
She was sorry to go and thought about the 5 years they’ve been together. But that didn’t stop her from her resolve to leave. And a good thing, too, that she did!
Now they are back together and the love is better than ever. So what happened?
Often times people fall in love in the most romantic and extraordinary circumstances. And even if they don’t, the relationship starts out wonderfully, the two people involved being considerate, kind and loving towards each other.
Then life happens. Challenges come their way and the relationship is put to the test. I would never advocate giving up on a relationship at the first sign of trouble, unless there are extenuating circumstances - like your partner tried to kill you. Otherwise, you do have to try and work it out. Mind you, you can’t work on a relationship unless both people are happy and willing to do that.
Before the going gets tough it’s important that you set the ground rules for the relationship. Examples of which are:
- We keep calm and avoid raising our voices when arguing and discussing.
- We talk to each other first before seeking advice from others.
- We remain respectful, no swearing, no hitting or throwing things.
- We give each other space to think when asked for.
- We are honest and open about our feelings all the time to avoid guessing games and leaving the other person wondering.
- We let the other person know where we are, and not just take off somewhere leaving the other person worried.
- We will listen to each other with an open heart and mind.
These are just some of the things you can live by and you can add your own to the list.
Sometimes these rules go out the window when tempers rise and the frustration has built up. And that is not a good thing. It shouldn’t even reach that point for the couple to know that something is amiss.
And this was what happened to my friend and her partner. One evening she decided that although she still loved him, she has had enough and so she left. Day and night she cried, while he tried to convince her to come back.
But hard as he tried to do that she wouldn’t give in, and his language became abusive. In the end he mellowed and decided that it was not going to bring her back if he kept this macho pretense and simply decided to open up his heart and told her how much he loved her. He apologised for all that he’s done. He did try to excuse his behaviour by using work, but that didn’t fly.
They had a heart to heart talk and she decided to go back to him. Now the relationship is even lovelier!
I posted a Getting Your Ex Back entry a few weeks ago and true enough, my friend’s ex was able to win her back because:
- They still loved each other.
- They were both free agents.
- They still lived in the same city.
- The issues for the separation were addressed.
- They each have made changes in how they behave towards the other.
- They are both committed to make the relationship work.
When the love is right, and it feels right, sometimes all it takes is losing it for you to find it again. It could be with the same person, or may be with someone else.
Here’s to love and romance!
19 Love Notes for “Break Up To Make Up”
February 20, 2008
I can relate to this one… malapit na kaming mag 5 years… sana maayos na lahat ang problema para maging masaya na ulit kami…
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February 20, 2008
what more i can say….. wish and hope we could build up again our beautiful times..well, time will say if we really meant to be !!im just crossing my fingers for all good things
happen…
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February 20, 2008
ako din, sana kiss and make up..am crossing my fingers, that everything would have a happy end..
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February 21, 2008
Why? Anong problema?
Thanks for the visit, Jean!
February 21, 2008
I wish you all the best Julia Roberts! Is the feeling mutual? Does the other person want what you want?
Thanks for the dropping by!
February 21, 2008
Hi Julia, so what are you doing about it?
February 21, 2008
jean grey ! all the very very best for you.. i feel what you feel…sino ba ayaw, sa mundo na maibalik ang maga´gandang kahapon:) be brave, dont lost any hope, malay mo! GOD knows our own destiny,nothing is impossible coming from him..” WE JUST BELIEVED ON HIM”
regrets,come always at last..if you lost someone/somebody
doon mo realize hiow precious pala.
thank you Ms. JOY for this wonderful post !!
ingat, julia roberts
February 21, 2008
Hey Julia! Thanks for the note. I’m glad you found this post helpful.
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February 21, 2008
this is the post i always wanted to read Ms. JOY:)
it relates my private life, knowing the fact that if we commit a mistakes, theres always be huge of consequences.
we are just human, this is how we learn and grow and change.but finding its very hard to FORGIVE myself.
very interesting question ” CAN I FORGIVE MYSELF”?
February 23, 2008
carry on joy! your posts is very helpful.
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February 23, 2008
Thanks, angel!
Do you have a blog yourself? Let me know so I can return the visit.
February 25, 2008
i dont have a blog yet joy but im planning to have one, i would appreciate your dropping by on my blog once i get started. now thats really a boost! thanks!
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February 25, 2008
Well, once you do, you gotta let me know
February 27, 2008
thank you for posting this… especially “set the ground rules for the relationship” i’m learning here, Dr Joy!
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February 29, 2008
Hi NJ! I’m glad you say that you’re learning NJ. That’s my goal
Swing by again!
March 7, 2008
salamat dr. joy
i learned a lot 
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March 11, 2008
Hi Mia, good to know that you find this useful.
May 19, 2008
tama ka dr. joy! dpat talaga mutual pra maibalik ang ex. hehe
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September 3, 2008
Joy!
Is it so easy to break up and restart again? It takes years to build a relationship, and seconds to break it
Love,
Julia
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