Your Love Coach

Fear Of Being Single

Have you heard of the expression it’s better to be alone than to wish you were alone?

I’ve just had a chat with someone who told me that the person they fell in love with 5 years ago is no longer the person they live with now. And as a love coach, my question was: what’s stopping you from leaving?

And the reply was:

I’m afraid to be alone.

And this is a natural thing. As human beings we are all wired to crave companionship, to find similarities with others, to seek love and affection from the moment we are born.

However, one should be able to distinguish between needing someone and genuinely loving someone. Our happiness should not be dependent on someone’s presence in our lives. True, having a significant other who cherishes us is the sweetest thing in the world - but even they are not responsible for our own happiness.

Being single is one of the best ways to find deep, lasting and passionate love. How? By learning to love yourself first!

There are a number of things you should do before getting into a relationship:

1. List down the things you enjoy doing - alone or otherwise - and do them on your own, like watching a movie or eating out
2. Travel alone, discover new cultures, make new friends, and see what’s really out there.
3. Explore your options. Career, see the world, have a committed relationship and/or keep dating.
4. Enjoy your own company. This is crucial. Unless you are comfortable in your own skin, happy spending time on your own and can amuse yourself, then it would be very difficult to have your own identity in a relationship.
5. Decide what you like and love about yourself. Believe them and live them. It’s only when you exude that particular self-confidence, of loving yourself, that the right people find you attractive and are drawn to you even if they don’t know why.
6. Be happy. I will always say this: learn to be happy on your own first, so that when you do find someone, that someone should also be happy being on their own. Then when you get together, you share each other’s happiness and become happier. And should you decide to part ways at some point, then you’re simply go back to being happy.
7. Have a life. It’s pretty difficult to share a life with someone else, when you haven’t made one for yourself. After all, you aren’t joined at the hip and so you need to have something that is truly your own to make you, your life and the life you share even more interesting.

Being single is not the end of the world. In fact in many cases, it can be quite liberating and just what people need in order to find themselves, re-discover who they are and know the kind of person they truly want to share their lives and selves with.

It’s ok to be afraid of being single, as long as you do something about it. And by this I don’t mean grab the first person who comes your way, but that you should face your fear when the opportunity presents itself and muster enough courage to try doing some, if not all, of my suggestions above.

Wishing you all the love you deserve!

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