The One
This being my first post, I was in a quandary about the subject I should write about. Love can be so mundane sometimes, and yet philosophical at other times. However, I thought of casting my own pitch towards the perennial question of “how do I find the one?”
I can tell you here and now there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to love, much less finding that one person you want to spend the rest of your life with - married or not, whether it’s a same-sex relationship or heterosexual, May-December affair or coming from the same age group. At the same time, as you continue to read this, some of it may or may not apply to you. What I ask is you give this post some thought and get back to you me with your comments.
5 easy things you can do now to help you find ‘the one’:
1. Love yourself. Yes, you read right. It’s a simple statement and yet it can be quite contentious. How can I love myself? I should love others before me. The very reason I’m looking for someone to love is so they can love me. To each their own - that’s what I will always say. Just take my word with a grain of salt and ponder it a little. My question to you is: how can you expect someone to love you if you don’t love yourself? Sometimes the other person needs to know why they should love you. What is so lovable about you? And they will see this, feel this, think this if you communicate this energy to them - that you love yourself.
How do you do this?
a. Make a list of the things you like about yourself - physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, socially, etc
b. Ask other people what they like about you, in case you missed a few
c. What are your passions? Do you nurture them? When you do things that make you happy, fulfill you, you feel happiness that comes from within. And this shines through.
Loving yourself is also vital because then it keeps you from selling yourself short. You know that you deserve respect and won’t stand for people taking you for granted, insulting you or abusing your good nature. Loving yourself means never getting to the point of desperation that throw yourself at anyone who so much as casts a glance your way.
2. Listen to Socrates: Know thyself. Knowing yourself means being aware of
a. what makes you smile
b. what makes you glow
c. what you appreciate in others
d. your likes and dislikes
e. your dreams and desperations
f. your joys and tribulations
When you know yourself, you know what you want. And this makes the next step possible.
3. Draw up a list. What kind of person would you like to share your life with? Try to be as specific as possible. The reason for this is NOT to make you stick to them, but simply to guide you and remind you in your quest, your journey towards ‘your one’. Many a time people seem to get so lost in the labyrinth of finding a life partner, that they end up settling. Sometimes though someone may surprise you, that even though they may not be 6 feet tall, or have a 36-24-36 measurement, a fat bank balance or an arresting smile when they show their pearly whites, they still could be the one. Ask yourself a few simple questions. Does the person make you look forward to seeing them again? Do they make you feel good about yourself? Do they inspire you to be a better person when in their company? If the answer is yes, then give them a chance.
4. Go out and socialise - not necessarily to hunt for ‘your one’ but to meet people, enjoy the company of others, live life. All of us are social beings and without human contact we lose some of that human-ness. And yes, of course it helps to link up with people who may actually one day say to you, “I have a friend. I think you should meet!”
So where can you meet people? Do you go to the gym? It’s a good place to keep fit and rub elbows with health buffs (or people so in love with themselves). What are your hobbies? Do you play tennis? Do you belong to a club? Is there something you’ve always wanted to learn but never pursued it - play the guitar, explore photography, go mountain climbing, or scuba dive? Whatever happens you still come out a winner because you learn a new skill, you meet new people and you may start new friendships. Also, you become a more interesting person both to yourself and to others.
5. Keep busy. You don’t have to hold your breath waiting for ‘your one’ to make an appearance. You know what they say about watching a pot boil? It never does. More often than not, love happens when you least expect it. Hopefully by keeping busy you don’t end up being too busy for love. Leave enough room for love to come into your life.
That is my two cents and I hope you enjoyed the read. Bear in mind - finding ‘the one’ is important, but not as fulfilling when you feel complete having found yourself first.
Share your thoughts about this post by leaving me comments. Have you found your ‘one’?
I also invite you to send me your love questions by going to the Heart to Heart page and I shall respond to them here. But before you can ask me a question, you need to register first. See you back here soon.
And if you enjoyed reading this post, please click on the buttons below! It will help Your Love Coach community grow.
33 Love Notes for “The One”
August 24, 2007
hi!
thanks for stopping by my website. I like this post. I’ve always said the same things especially for someone like me who never goes out..i have to get out the house to meet people adn do things…the more people i meet the better my chances are to have someone enjoy my new apartment that I designed myself…
:)
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August 24, 2007
hi aviana! how was your trip and the workshops/classes? you should send me photos of the apartment you designed! and thanks for dropping by. see here again sometime soon!
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September 10, 2007
This is an excellent post for a start Joy…I am engaged and will come back again & again to read your lovely observations on matters of the heart and will surely try to follow some of them.
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September 10, 2007
Thanks Kalyan! And congratulations on the engagement. Isn’t love the best?! Please do come back and share with us thoughts on love, relationship and indeed getting engaged.
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September 11, 2007
thank you for your kind words in my blog! In our country it`s easy to find peaceful places, a plenty of room - so sparsely populated.
I am smiling now, because I have been married over 43 years and still am and with the same man, who just left home for his greatly beloved university. He is the emeritus professor, but he has the own place still there, both he and me too are happy about it.
I will be back and see, how your blog will success. I hope, it will!!
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September 11, 2007
Hi Leena! It’s wonderful to see you on my blog. Thanks for the visit. And wow! 43 years of marriage. My warmest congratulations. Please do come back and let us know what makes a good, happy and lasting marriage.
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September 12, 2007
HiHiya Joy….I am so happy to be here, I have forgotten my login in ID for your other blog and can I re-register again?
Hmm…about the one..it was love at first sight when I met my hubby and every now and then I always look at ’success stories’ of how others braved through their marriages.
Yes I love myself coz it is only by loving myself that I can shower love to others
Shall follow-up on the love box soon my friend, be patient with me ok?
Cheers!
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September 12, 2007
I’m happy to have you here, Shionge!
And yes, feel free to re-register at www.thegoddessinyou.co.uk.
Love at first sight? You have to share the story with us! Where and how did you meet? When? And I’m glad you said that you love yourself. True true - only in loving oneself can we express love to others. And yes, holding my breath for that love box, but no pressure, ok?
Take care! Glad you’re back in Sing!
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September 12, 2007
woah! I like your blog layout and template. Its look so.. LOVE!
The ONE, I found mine 7 years ago and he is now mine mine, all mine
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September 12, 2007
Hi babyfiona! Glad you like it. That’s the atmosphere I wanted to create on this site - like love is in the air
You found your ONE 7 years ago - yay! And isn’t it funny when we say, “He’s mine” or “You’re mine”? Last night as I said good night to my husband, thinking how wonderful he is and how much I love him, I said, “You’re mine! Just mine! 
” And then I thought, it’s not right to own people, but he knows what I mean. It’s that’s sense of belonging WITH someone.
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September 12, 2007
From Charles and thanks for the tips. Now I think I just have to go out buy something to eat, maybe I’ll meet someone in a pedestrian and treat me for a good meal.
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September 12, 2007
Hello joy. You’ve a nice website here and I love the way you write. Cool post! And I truely agree that loving ourselve will be the main thing to deal with before loving others!
Thnaks dr for sharing…
;)
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September 12, 2007
Hi Charles! It can happen, you know
Thanks for dropping by and hope to see more of your thoughts here.
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September 12, 2007
Hi curryegg! Thanks for the kudos. And thanks for the visit and sharing your thoughts. Keep ‘em coming!
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September 12, 2007
I definitely agree to the pointers you pointed out especially the last one. I met my fiancé during the times when I least expect it. The funny thing was we started as f***ing friends until we decided we are actually meant for each other.
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September 12, 2007
great start to yr blog here, keep it up. btw, where are u from?
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September 13, 2007
hi joy =) thanks for dropping by my lil blog. I always favour meeting people. Different types of people from different countries. But at times i tend to think the more people I meet, the more disappointments I might get? I know there’s still alot of great pple out thr. Hmm…
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September 13, 2007
Thank you for your visit…I am going to read this at length….But just wanted to say good luck with your blog and enjoy the Blogesphere!
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September 13, 2007
People always shudder when it is suggested that we must love ourselves. How can we learn to love anyone if we can’t love ourselves? Do we want people who loathe themselves to love us? Not me!
Thanks for visiting my blog today. That was way nice and cool and sweet of you.
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September 13, 2007
I LOVE YOUR BLOG
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September 13, 2007
very well said Love Coach.
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September 13, 2007
That’s great, Chase, that you met someone when you weren’t looking! And about the sex, it doesn’t really matter which comes first - the relationship or the sex. You’re going to have to find out one way or the other anyway. So good to know that you make each other happy in that aspect of your relationship, too! Yay.
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September 13, 2007
Hi Johnny! Thanks. I’m based in the UK.
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September 13, 2007
piglet, indeed there are many many nice people out there! Don’t give up on us yet.
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September 13, 2007
Thanks, OldOldLadyoftheHi! Glad to see you here!
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September 13, 2007
Hi, Dan! Glad you agree. This is highly contentious, but I am sticking by it. Loving oneself first is vital to deeper and lasting happiness. And it is truly attractive to others.
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September 13, 2007
I’m glad you do, Kaylee! Thanks.
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September 13, 2007
Thanks, CM!
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September 14, 2007
Do you know i have had open heart surgery? that is what has been bothering me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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September 15, 2007
Oh poor you, Kaylee! What did the doctor say? How long before you heal?
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September 15, 2007
What an interesting and thought-provoking post!
When my second husband left me for another woman, I wanted 20 years before I got a third husband and during that time I did nearly everything on your list. I also was celibate–to prove to myself I didn’t NEED a man, so that I could choose one wisely and not out of need. And now I am happily married again and so glad I did what I did and waited and learned to love and care about myself and no what my needs were. It’s excellent advice.
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September 16, 2007
Hiya Mary! Thank you so much for sharing with us. That’s fantastic. Good things do come to those who wait
So pleased to hear that you were happy on your own before you met the love of your life. Do come back and keep sharing!
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