Welcome To Finding Love
Your Love Coach is a home for people looking for love or wanting to keep the passion and excitement in a healthy relationship alive. Explore the site and enjoy your visit. Participate in the forum. If you have a burning question about love or romance, just send me a note. From one hopeful romantic to another, I leave you with Pablo Neruda’s words, from Sonnet XVII:
“I love you without knowing how, or when, or where from,
I love you simply, without complexities or pride;
I love you in this way, not knowing any other way of loving
but this, in which neither I nor you exist
so close that your hand on my breast is mine,
so close that your eyes close when I sleep.”
3 Things I’ll Never Let Go
I got tagged by Rhapsody to share 3 things I’ll never let go. My very simple list:
1. My Filipino Citizenship
2. My drive for excellence in everything I do
3. My goal of making a difference in the lives of people I meet
The Fairy Tale
Did you grow up fantasizing about your knight in shining armour or Prince Charming or your very own beautiful princess? Did you dream of living happily ever after?
Before the advent of feminism, many a woman (and man) were obsessed with the fairy tale - which is actually a myth.
As a love coach and an incurable romantic I shall not rob you of the notion that love at first sight happens and that people do find and marry their soul mates.
However, for most people, this is not the case. Women have wised up to the fact that they don’t need to be rescued by prince’s kiss. They simply avoid eating poisoned apples or pricking themselves with a needle.
I am reminded of a poem.
For Every Woman
by Nancy R. Smith
For every woman who is tired of acting weak when she knows she is strong, there is a man who is tired of appearing strong when he feels vulnerable.
For every woman who is tired of acting dumb, there is a man who is burdened with the constant expectation of “knowing everything.”
For every woman who is tired of being called “an emotional female,” there is a man who is denied the right to weep and to be gentle.
For every woman who is called unfeminine when she competes, there is a man for whom competition is the only way to prove his masculinity.
For every woman who is tired of being a sex object, there is a man who must worry about his potency.
For every woman who feels “tied down” by her children, there is a man who is denied the full pleasures of shared parenthood.
For every woman who is denied meaningful employment or equal pay, there is a man who must bear full financial responsibility for another human being.
For every woman who was not taught the intricacies of an automobile, there is a man who was not taught the satisfactions of cooking.
For every woman who takes a step toward her own liberation, there is a man who finds the way to freedom has been made a little easier.
What do you think of that? Do you agree with the poem? Which is your favourite line?
This is also why I have singled out another romance film which I truly love - Ever After . Though set in a century long ago, it has a very contemporary twist to it.
Danielle de Barbarac was no princess waiting to be rescued. She in fact in so many instances rescued others - including her prince!
This is a must-see film! It is such a refreshing take on the fairy tale Cinderella. Released in 1998, it stars Drew Barrymore and Dougray Scott and features one of my favourite songs Put Your Arms Around Me by Texas.
One thing I believe. We can write our own fairy tale. We simply need to choose the characters very carefully. And the best thing about fairy tales is summed up by a quote from the movie, “And, while Cinderella and her prince did live happily ever after, the point, gentlemen, is that they lived.”
So what would your own fairy tale be called?
Romance Fest
I was going through my collection of DVD’s and VCD’s and re-confirmed time and again what an incurable romantic I am. Hey, that’s why I’m a love coach!
There’s nothing like good ol’ fashion romance on the screen to bring on the mood. So if you are pursuing someone who’s totally clueless about your feelings for them, or in a relationship that needs a bit of love boost, or simply looking for feel good movies, then I suggest you plant yourself and the object of your affection (or be by your lonesome) in front of your 30-inch screen, microwave the cheese popcorn, plonk the potato chip bags on the floor, line up your sodas, ice cream tubs and boxes of Kleenex and switch on the DVD player!
Here are my picks for the most romantic films ever!
1. Stealing Heaven (1988)
Leads: Derek de Lint and Kim Thomson
I had to watch this film back at university, because I was taking up a degree on literature. The film is based on true to life events. Abelard, a respected philosopher and teacher in 12th-century Paris, is hired to tutor the intelligent and beautiful Heloise. They soon fall in love, but must hide their affection because Abelard is sworn to celibacy. It has some graphic scenes, so I suggest no minors in the room should be present when you watch this.
Continue reading “Romance Fest”
7 Truths About Me
Malen is one of the most entertaining bloggers I know. Reading her blog always cracks me up. She tagged me to reveal 7 truths about myself. That many! I hope the following prove of interest to you lot. So here goes:
1. I couldn’t speak a word of English when I first attended private school at the age of 6. I went home totally dazed - not having understood a single word my teacher and classmate said. And I vowed to learn the darn language.
2. My guilty pleasures (eating them against doctor’s orders though) - caramel flan (leche flan), spicy food like wasabi, kimchi and chili sauce, Lucky Me Pancit Canton, pine apple and ice cream.
3. When I was in the 6th grade, a couple of classmates and I (from St Paul School) joined the Kilometrico Quiz Date and we won! But we lost in the semi-finals to Notre Dame School, who won the grand finals that year.
4. My first crush was my classmate’s older brother who was 12 years old. I was five!
5. For 3 years I suffered from insomnia. I was 9 years old when I got over it.
6. My parents were going to christen me Ligaya, but changed their minds at the last minute and switched to its English derivative. Thank God!
7. I am living my own fairy tale - married to my soul mate who cherishes me and treats me like a princess.
I now need to pass the torch over to the following to reveal 7 truths about themselves. The rules are simple:
1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
2. Pick 10 others you would like to get to know better.
3. Let them know you’ve tagged them by leaving a comment on their blog.
4. And don’t forget to give them the rules.
It’s that simple.
So here’s my 10 pick:
Brath, Jon, AJ, Banana, Kristine, Kiko, Onee-Chan, Greenpinoy, Trish and Isagani. Please let me know when you’ve done it 
Terms of Endearment
What’s your special name for your significant other? Is it something you use in public, or is it restricted in the privacy of your bedroom only? How many terms of endearment do you have for each other?
It’s important to have that special name for each other because it’s what couples who are in love do! For those outside that relationship obviously it can sound cheesy (and sometimes sickening), but who cares? When you go to bed at night, there’s only you, your partner and the love between you.
A term of endearment brings couples together. When you think of the object of your affection, you do so with that very special name and this evokes a warm fuzzy feeling inside you.
I’ve put together a list of different terms of endearment from various languages. Take your pick. And do let me know what you and your significant other use for each other so we can add them to the list below. Ciao dahlings!
List of Terms of Endearment
Amor
Amore (mio)
Amorevole
Amorcito
Amorino
Amoroso
Continue reading “Terms of Endearment”
The Little Things
I was a bit ill yesterday - migraine. While still at work I rang and asked my significant other to buy me ice cream (though I’m lactose-intolerant) and bananas to make a banana split to help lower my body temperature. He came home not only with the requested items, but with a few little bits and pieces as well that he knew I’d like. Then he made me toasts and the split.
Or when he picks me up from work and it’s raining, he would get out of the car and take an umbrella for me to use. He doesn’t mind the rain or if he gets wet, but he knows I hate it ruining my hair 
If in the middle of the night I feel like a drink, all I need to do is give him a little nudge and he’ll fetch me one.
There are many more I can tell you - things he does which make my heart go a-flutter - but maybe another time.
It’s really all the little things. Inasmuch as we want them to be there for us during the big events and the exclamation points in our lives, it’s even sweeter when they’re there everyday to make us smile, make us more special than we already feel, providing the commas and the semi-colons in our colourful lives.
7 Tips on Chatting Up A Girl
J sent me an interesting question, to which I am sure a lot of people can relate.
Question: I’m a 20 year old male who over the last year has been struggling to find a girl. I don’t find it difficult to speak to girls I know but struggle to find new girls. When I do speak to them I seem to make them my friends too quickly. What can I do to avoid this? Thanks.
Answer: Though there are a couple other issues you raised here, I am going to focus on your last question.
I think it’s safe to assume that girls, after you’ve chatted to them for sometime, label you as a ‘nice’ guy or a friend. This is probably happening because of the unconscious message you send them. Therefore you need to be mindful of how you communicate with them.
When you do meet a girl for the first time, is it easy for you to decide whether you want to pursue a friendship or something more with her? I ask this because it may help you to divide the lot into those two groups and therefore it is clear to you what kind of relationship you want to develop with a girl.
Here is a list of things you need to be aware of when talking to a girl for the first time, which will determine your behaviour towards her and subsequently how she sees you - either as a mate or a potential boyfriend.
- The first thing out of your mouth - what words do you utter when meeting a girl for the first time who is girlfriend material and to one whom you regard as a bud?
- What do you choose to talk about? Say for instance you ask a girl about what she does on a Saturday evening, she may think that you want to take her out one time. Whereas if you ask her about work or studies, then it’s clear you’re not interested in her as a girlfriend.
- Do you offer to pay for her drink, or do you say, “This round’s mine. What do you want to drink?” Clearly, saying the latter means you expect her to pick up the next round. So what message does that send out?
- Where do you sit when talking to her - next to her, opposite her or diagonal from her? Next to her is more intimate.
- Do you ask her if she’s seeing someone? There is no doubt in any girl’s mind that you are interested in her if you if there’s a man in her life.
- Do you ask for her number and ring her when you promise to?
- How do you look at her when you talk? Sometimes your eyes can do all the talking for you.
I hope this helps, J. And good luck with finding your girl.
8 Tips On Flirting
Thank you for your question, M!
Question: I am attracted to SOMEBODY at our office. I would say he is a good looking guy. No doubt he has the qualities I admire. Is it ok to flirt? I know he always glances at me if we bump into each other.
Answer: Flirting is an art - and should be approached with a pinch of daring and a dollop of caution. A woman initiating flirting can still be tricky even in this day and age.
You say that you are interested in your work mate and that he seems to be stealing glances at you at the office. So what can you do to find out if he really likes you or if he’s interested? And even if he weren’t interested in you that way, there are a few things you can do to move things along.
8 Tips On Flirting
1. Send clear signals
Men are quite hopeless at interpreting signals from women. Though I wouldn’t advise you to blatantly flirt with your work mate, I would suggest that when you say ‘hi’ to him that it’s more than just a friendly hello. It should send the message that you would be interested in seeing him outside the office. You can say something like, “I tried the new bar at the corner of Grove Road and St Stephen St. Drinks and food were good. Have you been there?”
Continue reading “8 Tips On Flirting”
My Two Cents on Having an Affair
Hear ye! Hear ye! My first article in my column Second Chances in the magazine Total Woman has just come out in Manila, Philippines! Hot off the press.
What happens after your significant other cheats on you? What do you do? Is there hope? Read below the situation that was presented to me and my reply.
******
A woman asks: My life was perfect until I found out my husband was having an affair. My world fell apart. It has been six months since. I still have not moved on. What do I do? I don’t think I can ever trust him again. - Alana, Makati City
Infidelity is one of the hardest things a woman can experience in a marriage. The one thing you should not do is question whether you could have done anything to prevent your husband from straying. He had complete control of what he was doing. If he had issues regarding your marriage, he should have talked to you. So don’t second guess yourself, or worse blame yourself.
Continue reading “My Two Cents on Having an Affair”
21 Ways to Say I Love You
How do you say “I love you” to your boyfriend, wife or partner? Are you a hopeful romantic, constantly seeking new ways to express your affection? How do you keep the romance alive in your relationship?
I have always believed that one needs to keep doing whatever they did to find the person they love in the first place. Finding your ‘one’ isn’t the end objective - it’s only the beginning. We cannot afford to get complacent. We need to do things to keep the love and romance alive, to show our loved ones how much they mean to us, to make them happy, to evolve as a couple, to grow in the relationship. The good news is there are a million and one ways to be expressive. So take note!
Below are a few ways to say “I love you” creatively.
1. 7 days of birthday
Continue reading “21 Ways to Say I Love You”
I am Dr Joy Barredo, your love coach. I enjoy helping people find love, move on from a heartbreak or keep the romance alive in their relationship. I am a hopeful romantic and a realist at the same time.